What a Guy Needs... What a Guy Wants...

The next chapter here 1.2 is entitled "What Guys Need" and it is a great informative overview.

1) The need to be known and understood... Guys are very cautious about being known personally or deeply and yet they desperately desire (and need) to be known. "They want to be known enough so you can help them see their blind spots and be their ally and confident."

2) Need for close connection to God... Guys have a deep spiritual sensitivity despite outward appearances. This spiritual sensitivity is fragile and can be easily put out by other things which compete to fill the place of awe within the individual.

3) Individual Validation and Empowerment... Need for us to help guys find their strengthens and weaknesses in various areas (i.e. skills, talents...) and empower them to be all God desires for them to be.

4) Need Community... Clan-oriented. Need to experience "heart connection" with males that they can't experience with females. "If they cannot be intimate with the masculine on a tangible level, then they can never become intimate with an invisible God whom they perceive as being predominantly masculine in nature."

5) Guys need Mentors... Mentors show a guy worth; mold and shape a guy; and provides a safe place (free of judgement) for the guy. Pushes the guy toward the Lord and models dependence on Him.

6) Need to know How to Work... Builds responsibility, discipline, and purposefulness.

7) Need to Lead and Follow... Learn that a strong/good leader serves. Follows for the sake of learning to respect authority and break the bond of spiritualizing their own inner voice (i.e. only they have a connection of hearing from the Lord).

8) For Play... Need for competition and adventure. Release aggression and learn to be good winners/losers. It is not all about winning.

9) The Freedom to BE... "Boys need to be surrounded with men who will fight for their freedom to discover who they are apart from what they do (or are expected to do). Men need to model character (being) over action (doing)." ~pg. 36-37

10) Need to be Loved... "Guys desperately desire to have loving men in their lives who will speak a multilingual love language..." Break the sexual connection tacked on to being and needing love. Models what a man should be and do as the Lord calls us all to.

What came out particularly strong throughout this chapter is the need guys have for loving caring relationships/bonds and their need for Mentors in their life. As a youth leader and one who takes care of teenage boys it is important that I love these kids through my speech and actions as well as by modeling and directing them toward godly choices. It is important for us to show that we care and seek to make meaningful close relationships with them despite the difficulty or length of such a task.

Starting to Understand

Having finished a book I suppose I saw it fit to start another one... "Teenage Guys" by Steve Gerali... I found it in the group home I'm working in and thought it would be insightful. Why I write this particular blog is twofold: 1) to help me better retain what I read through sharing it and processing though it and 2) to perhaps share something meaningful/useful to/for others... Hopefully I will not break any kind of copyright law or anything of the sort... I should also add that I'd be quite happy if you should decide to e-mail me or contact me in any other way so as to discuss the type of things written here. (If you'd like a further information on this book, i.e. Bibliography, Just let me know).

-Aristotle saw young adolescent males as, "egocentric, idealistic, passionate, quick-tempered and easily angered, impulsive, overly optimistic, gullible, lacking self-control, and driven by their sexual desires." (pg. 19) According to Gerali he was decently close to the mark.
-Three basic "categorizes" or age groups: Early Adolescence (about 11-14); Middle Adolescence (14-17); and Late Adolescence (18-13).
-Early: rapid growth in stature, seemly reckless energy, becoming very self-aware and are learning about who they are. Still tend to be back and forth between little boy and adolescent behavior
-Middle: More "body aware" as their stature begins to fill out, most feel there is something abnormal about their physical appearance. Tend to develop a "bravado" mentality that internalizes their masculine identity. Strength, physically and emotionally (the suppression of emotion), and status define this identity. Develops new confidences (i.e. invincibility, desire for adventure) but overall unstable.
-Late: Begins (with difficulty) to define himself as a Man. More aware of need to become responsible. "Late-adolescent guys desperately seek out, consciously or subconsciously, strong male mentors." (p. 24) Become more aware of deficiencies in their fathers sometimes resulting in a woundedness. "...internalization of values; strong male bonding; sexual awareness, desire, lust, and hormonal overdrive... at times a greater desire to be well-rounded ethically, morally and spiritually." (p. 24)
-In each stage a guy needs to develop certain "developmental tasks" (formation of attitudes, values, behaviors, and skills transitioning him from boyhood to manhood). Sadly, Western culture has few "rites of passage" for teenage guys.
-5 specific dimensions to a person: physical, emotional, intellectual, social, and spiritual (moral/ethical). Frequency of repressed emotions can lead to serious repercussions in the quality of a young person's life and relationships. Need to help guys understand the influences family and friends have on their identity. The stage in which morals, values and beliefs are formed.

Of speical note to me is the way in which these young people look so much for a mentor. They look up to those a bit older then them and are in high gear processing through who they should be. Along with that is the way in which morals, values, and beliefs are formed during this stage... what an awesome responsabilty to live our lives in such a way as to set these people on the right track!

Tip for youth workers (from book):
Be quick to notice and to, one-on-one, verbally affirm character qualities that distinguish a guy and qualitative... it becomes a "coming of age" moment for a guy.